Dialog, Part 2

I went a bit of a different way with my dialog than what I originally mentioned in the last post.  Here’s where I ended up:

“This is Colleen,” Mama said as she gestured towards the woman, who nodded at the girl. Turning towards her guest, Mama added, “This little bit is known as Moth.”

 The girl knew the wording choice was deliberate, and her mind settled into its usual patient wariness.

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” Mama said, and exited gracefully.

It’s not a lot more words, but it’s definitely a different experience than the first version I posted.  (That was pared down for dramatic effect, after all.)  There’s a description of Colleen from Moth’s perspective in the paragraph before the introduction, and a lot of non-verbal communication immediately following.  I’m working really hard to make sure that there is more to the dialog than just what people are saying.

I’ve gotten a large chunk of this conversation done, although I didn’t quite finish it.  (It’s where one of our girls meets her mentor – it’s the longest conversation scene in the story up to this point.)  I might continue writing when I finish this post, because I’d like to get it done.

If I can decide for sure what they’re going to say, of course.

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