Kiwi’s Crazy Comments

As my snarky, cursing fairy said comments that made me chuckle in the process of writing Unexpected, I shared them with folks on my Facebook page.  Now (with a little language clean-up), I thought I’d share a few with you as well.  I’ve put in ellipses (…) where there should be curse words, replaced with a tamer word (in parentheses) or I simply left them out.  As these are quotations of a character’s dialog, I have taken out the descriptive comments or pauses to make it easier to read in tiny bites.


“Am I what?  What were you going to guess? An elf?  A sprite?  A vampire?  I’m a fairy.  A fairy.  Tiny size, wings, these are the dead giveaways.”

“Did you have a question for me, or are you about to launch into a monologue?  Cause this ice cream’s not good enough for me to pretend to care.”

“Even a moronic Yeti knows how to avoid getting a good picture taken, and fairies are way smarter than those idiotic (beings).”

“You always have a book, little boy, don’t act like you brought it just so you could wait for me and pretend to be all chivalrous.”  (Kiwi, a six-inch fairy, frequently refers to Doug, a 6-foot 4-inch human, as “little boy.”)

“It ain’t like Fern Gully, if that’s what you’re wondering. Fairies don’t get physically attached to their trees, although some of them … are a touch too emotionally attached if you know what I mean.”