Melancholy

Music seems to enhance or echo my mood, especially when I am feeling particularly strong emotions.  Tonight, for example, I went to my go-to song for melancholy.  (It’s Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles.)

Why am I feeling melancholy?  Well, the process of uprooting and moving to another state is one of mixed emotions.  One minute I’m excited about the adventure and ready to get underway.  The next, I’m stressed about everything that is still up in the air or incomplete.  (I don’t yet have an apartment, or a way to move my stuff.  Stress, anyone?)  Every once in a while, I get a quick wave of panic, where my brain says, “I’m not ready for this!” although those are coming less and less and leaving more rapidly every time.

Tonight, the mood is melancholy.  This is one of the evenings to reflect not on the things I am gaining, but the things I am leaving behind.  I like Houston (most of the time) and the place where I work (ibid).  I have an amazing group of coworkers and friends that I will be parting from, including a guy that I enjoyed dating.  Most strongly comes the sadness, though, when I think about leaving my best friend behind.

Now, the rational part of my brain points out that friendships tend to weather distance better than romantic relationships.  Skype and Facebook and texting and cell phones make distance a moot point, as do vacation days and airplanes.  Still, we hang out almost every day.  Somehow I fear technology won’t be quite the same.

Tomorrow, perhaps, excitement and anticipation, but for tonight, melancholy.

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