Writing Challenge Guest – Snailquake

Snailquake is a zoologist-in-training with a house and garden full of animals who once needed homes. She has a degree in English literature and spent three years running creative writing workshops for people with severe mental health conditions. Her blog, Tea Time at the Zoo, can be found at: snailquake.wordpress.com

Barry White Likes a Fight

Some say I talk too much but that’s ridiculous because I hardly ever say anything at all, not like Colin, and I always say if you haven’t got anything interesting to talk about then you might as well not talk at all because none of us are listening and Colin goes on and on and on and on about food mostly, like it’s the only thing he can think about, whereas some of us have a bit more whatyoumacallit and can think about important stuff like fighting and trees and celery and melon rind and that bit in the middle of a pineapple that’s got exactly the right level of chewiness and pineapple is probably the best food after celery and maybe parsnip.

They call me Barry because I’m white but I don’t see what “white” has to do with “Barry” and the other white guinea pigs aren’t called Barry, they’re called Colin and Twogoose, and Twogoose has an ugly stupid face because he’s the reason I have to live on my own in one corner of the garden and I can’t sit under my tree because the tree is where Twogoose lives with Horatio, and I was living with them and I was FINE except Twogoose was hassling me and who does he think he is, so now I’ve got my own bedroom with hay and everything in this upturned dog bed thank you very much and if any of them others come in here I’ll bite their face off.

I like celery and parsnips and walks in the long grass and I like fighting as long as I’m the winner so I generally start the fights because then they’ll think I’m big even though I’m really small and there are seven of us and Orkney is the runt but I’ve never fought Orkney because what’s the point, whereas Colin has plenty to bite and he deserves it, and one of these days he’s going to get it, but then again last winter we sat under the TV table and he let me eat his bedding which was hay and I like hay, and I like carrots and did I mention celery and sometimes I like a good old sing-song because who doesn’t and I like parsley.

Some say I’m also easily distracted but that’s compl

A photo of Barry, courtesy of Snailquake

Find out more about the writing challenge here!


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