A Brief Reflective Moment

I didn’t want to blog today.  I worked late, there is interesting TV on, and I figured that most of my readers would be okay giving me a pass.

However, I have a very well-developed sense of guilt.  I practically have my own personal “nag” resident in the back of my brain.  I felt bad not writing; I’m supposed to write every day – if I just choose to skip, then I am not living up to the standards I have set for myself.

This personality trait makes for a lot of difficulty.  When someone “yells at the messenger” and I get the brunt of it, I take it a lot more personally than I should.  If I say something that comes out sounding dumb, or that is taken wrong, I run the scene through my head on loop repeat for days.  Even when I’m supposed to be relaxing, I’ll feel guilty not working if I have a to-do list.  I don’t break rules easily, even when I’m just imagining the rules (like not parking somewhere if there is an ambiguous sign). 

Unfortunately I haven’t been able to link this guilt to something productive, like stopping myself from eating junk food or making myself work out.  With the blog and my new writing routine, at least I’ve tied my guilt-monster to something useful!